As humans we engage in rituals and our relationships are full of rituals.
The rituals may be simple like kissing goodbye or they may be more elaborate like a wedding.
Rituals are often interwoven with religion and as such they can be problematic for mixed-faith couples.
I teach my clients a simple exercise I want to share here. It is a way to use rituals to strengthen your relationship instead of seeing them as a reminder of where you have differences.
1.Make a list of the rituals you already have as a couple.
2. Place a check next to the ones that nurture your relationship. (Some rituals are more like bad habits.)
3. Consider replacing the ones that do not nurture the relationship.
Example: FHE is a ritual. We religiously held FHE for our whole marriage. As the faith transition deepened and developed it became a hotbed of contention. I didn’t like what he was teaching, he didn’t like what I was teaching. We didn’t like the “participation” the other showed in our lessons.
This was a ritual that needed to be evaluated and reinvented. We discussed how we both felt teaching our children was important and we discussed the things we both felt strongly about teaching them. We decided to reinvent this as “coaching night” and we used the time to teach what we called life skills. We talk about emotional skills , social skills, financial skills, mental health, peer pressure, goal setting, etc.
We reinvented this ritual to be supportive to both of us and our mutual parenting goals.
Is it time for an evaluation of your rituals? This is something I teach my clients.
Are you scared to implement change? This is something I help my clients overcome.
Are you needing help navigating your mixed faith marriage? I am here to help.
I offer free calls were we can talk about where you are in your marriage and what kind of marriage you really want. There is a way to get you there.