Sometimes when things get intense in my mixed faith marriage it is helpful to remember what it is I can control and what it is I cannot control.
I cannot control what he thinks about me or my choices. I cannot control how he feel about me. I cannot control what he says or does.
I really, really really want to control what he thinks about me. I want him to think I am good, kind, generous and a wonderful partner.
When I want him to think this about me I try to convince him to like me.
When I start convincing and controlling it doesn’t actually help my relationship. It makes me act a little crazy.
Often we don’t even see where were are “controlling” . If you find yourself thinking the following, there is a pretty good chance you are trying to control what you cannot:
If he would just…
I wish that he wouldn’t….
Why can’t she…
She just can’t seem to…
What I can control:
I can control me. I can control the meaning I give to words and actions of others. I can control the words that I speak. I can control my own actions. I can control how I choose to show up and what I chose to think and feel or at least what I choose to continue to think and feel.
This helps me know where to focus my attention and energy. When I get all caught up about the things I cannot control I feel stuck and disempowered. When I can keep my focus on what I can control I feel hopeful and wiling to keep trying.
Where is your focus in your mixed faith marriage?
We often need help re-training our brain to focus on what we can and let go of trying to control what we cannot. It sounds simple, but we usually need help. As a life coach I teach my clients how to do this. I help them create new neural pathways that create empowerment and not control.
If you are ready to learn how to do this, let’s talk.
