Its sadly ironic that loneliness can be a chronic problem in a mixed faith marriage.
A believing spouse may be lonely attending church and church activities alone.
A non believing spouse may be lonely without the community or belonging in a group – even if it a group of 2 (the marriage). It can feel lonely to not have your beliefs accepted.
You may be:
Lonely in believing or in not believing
Lonely in parenting / teaching
Lonely in conversations
Loneliness can be compounded by certain beliefs.
-We should be together for _____(Sundays, church, meal time, )
-We should be on the same page here.
Not feeling safe to talk can also be create the feeling of loneliness.
Talking about the church may be like walking on eggshells.
-I don’t feel safe taking about church with my spouse.
-I don’t have anyone to talk to about this.
-I can’t talk to my spouse about this.
Here are some things to consider if you are feeling lonely in your mixed faith marriage:
1. What are you making it mean that you feel lonely? Is it a problem? Why is it a problem? Loneliness doesn’t have to be a problem, it can be a normal part of a transition.
2. Notice when you are lonely – is it a certain time of the week? Is it after certain conversations? Is there a pattern? Often we find we are in a pattern of loneliness. For example: I noticed I feel lonely most often when we are actually together but in disagreement over teaching the kids.
It can be helpful to notice the pattern so that you can do something about it, it brings it into the conscious level instead of letting it lurk in the “unknown.”
3. CONNECTION – Loneliness is basically the lack of connection. Focus on building connection instead of on your loneliness. How have you created connection before? What have you said or done that helped create connection? Do that agin. Try something new. Take responsibility for your connection or lack of it instead of blaming your spouse or the church.
We like to blame the other for our loneliness, but that only causes us to feel more disempowered and usually more LONELY.
Lonely in your relationship? Want connection, but not really sure where to even begin? Does it feels like the gulf is just too big? Is it just too scary? Not safe? Let’s talk. This is exactly what I help my clients with. I can help you, there is a solution here.
Just click on this link to sign up for a free, no obligation call where we can have a real conversation about your mixed faith marriage.
