Have you every been in a conversation with you spouse and you pretty much just say all the wrong things in the worst way possible? You may even go into it wanting to be kind and open, but it just goes south?
Afterwards you can think of other ways to have communicated in a kinder, clearer way. But in the moment is was a train wreck.
If you are in a mixed faith marriage, I am guessing this has happened A LOT. Maybe around truth claims, general conference or teaching children.
I have been there. I have been known to joke with my husband that I have the gift of saying just the “right” (read wrong) thing.
There is a simple solution to this. Process your emotion.
When we loose it in the middle of a conversation it is because we have become flooded with emotion. When we are in an emotional state our brains stop working in a logical way. They basically turn off. We may have had a plan, but once we are flooded with shame, fear, defensiveness, sadness or anger that plan is out the window.
The BEST thing to do when in an emotion is to FEEL it. This is NOT a time to problem solve or plan.
Feeling emotions is simple. Just feel the feeling in your body. Describe it. Allow it to be there. Do not rush yourself or the process.
These skill is not frivolous or unnecessary. Processing emotions is MANDATORY if you want to master your reactions and responses. It is MANDATORY if you want to show up lovingly in your marriage . If you have unprocessed pain or anger it will pop up when you are not well equipped to handle it. If you process it, it just passes and does not crop up when you want to be kind and compassionate.
This is one of critical skills I teach my clients. If you are ready to learn some marriage saving skills. We need to talk. I offer a free call to anyone who wants to go through a powerful process to evaluate your mixed fatih marriage. It is challenging but revealing. Email me and we can set up a free call this week.