Christmas is a religious holiday and that can be challenging for some in a mixed faith marriage.
Does Christmas start with the First Presidency Devotional and end in reading the nativity story as a family?
Does dinner with the family always include a devotional or lesson?
Do your vacation plans include an elaborate way of finding a ward to attend as you drive across the continental US to be with family?
That’s pretty common in LDS tradition to interweave religion with pretty much every aspect of life, especially Christmas. I chose these examples as they are all from my own personal experience and I expect at least somewhat part of yours.
If you are the transitioning spouse – How to deal with this?
If you are the non transiting souse – How to support spouse or not offend ?
The real question is how to still have fun and connect as a family when there are differences in religion that impact family traditions?
I don’t know the exact thing for you to do. But you do. Or at least you can start having ideas when you stop acting like the victim.
You might be thinking, “Me the victim? No way!”
Often we don’t even recognize when we are in victim mentality.
We are being a victim when we blame others, when we tell ourselves that this is terrible and frustrating, and when we believe there is no good solution.
When we are a victim we simple DO NOT find solutions.
Let me explain.
-My in laws are so judgmental and will never understand me.
-I wish we could just have a family get together without all the scripture reading.
-Why does my spouse have to ruin our Christmas by complaining about the church stuff? That is the most important part to me.
When we tell ourselves these things, or things like these. It usually causes us to feel terrible. We feel like our holidays have been hijacked. We feel like others don’t care about us. Those are all symptoms of victim thinking.
Victims are not problem solvers. They are disempowered. They do things like wallow.
There is nothings wrong with being a victim. Please hear me on this. But is it how you want to show up with your family? Is is how you want to act at Christmas?
If you want something different. If you want to be able to find solutions you have to leave victimhood behind.
One of the most transformative things you can offer to yourself and your family is the gift of your own empowerment. It is highly attractive and highly contagious.
If you find yourself slipping onto victim thinking around holidays or family activities WE NEED TO TALK. I help people just like you create new relationship with your spouse after a faith transition. It is empowering and the opposite of victim mentality.
Lets talk and find out where you , what are your patterns and tendencies and find out where you want to be. It is a fun process that brings clarity and empowerment just by going through it.
Once you let go of victim mentality you will more easily figure out how to have fun and connect as a family when there are differences in religion. It is possible.
