I can’t improve my marriage because my spouse is not interesting in seeking help.
I hear this a lot.
Here is what I would tell you if you were my client:
1. It only takes one person to materially improve a relationship.
I know you may think I am crazy to suggest this. But consider it may be true. Your relationship is what you think about the other person. You can think anything you want. If you start to think differently and feel differently and act differently – you WILL get different results.
2. You cannot change another person. If you could, I would teach you how. But it is not possible. Your point of power is in you. You doing your own work on yourself is ALL you can do and it is ENOUGH.
3. Boundaries are what you will use if someone violates your health and safety. You hear a lot of talk about needing boundaries. What people usually mean is needing others to change so they can feel better. Refusing to go together to therapy or to coaching is not a boundary violation. You can request your spouse attend with you, but they get to choose if they want to participate.
Each individual has to decide if they are willing and how they will work on the relationship. Your approach may look different than your spouse’s approach. You have to decide that you doing the work will be enough and not choose to indulge in resentment that he/she is getting a free pass. You have to decide if you are willing to go all in because it is worth it. Then you have to remind yourself (like 100 times) of that decision.
I did the work on me and my marriage improved like150%. AND I knew that I had truly tried.
Is is time to go all in? Is is time to give it 150%? Let’s talk . One person is enough to make SERIOUS changes.