Church has been a pretty low key affair for the past 13 months in our house. We still do not have in person church yet (at least not full time and only if you sign up). This has meant that Sundays have been kind of nice for us because it simplifies our weekends. My husband puts in his earbuds and attends his meetings while he makes the kids breakfast.
We also know that this will most likely one day end. Just the other day my husband looked at me and said something like – this will all change once church starts back up again. We both looked at each other with a kind of knowing that COVID has been a reprieve but not a solution.
For many with COVID restrictions lifting it brings up several things: how to negotiate Sunday and family time vs church time, how to deal with the decisions that were very conveniently but aside around the children and their church experience. Put another way, if you stay home and they go to church – what to do with the kids??? For many this feels like a kind of tug of war. Where someone loses and someone wins and both usually leave with a bad taste in their mouth.
What is the solution? This is what many of my clients come to me seeking. How do we do this?
I have lots of ideas. I have lots of suggestions. None of them really matter unless and until you do one thing first. CLEAN UP YOUR THINKING around parenting and around your relationship with the your spouse.
When I say clean up your thinking I mean take a honest look at where you coming from around parenting and where you think your spouse is and close up that gap (sometimes it is really big).That gap is usually full of fear, frustration, confusion, and worry.
You can have the perfect action plan, you can say all the right things, but if you are deeply frustrated, afraid, worried and confused you will feel terrible and most likely not get a great result as you negotiate. Your conversations, will seem to always be fraught with tension and defensiveness.
You may say things in a clumsy way or without being articulate, but if you have closed that gap and removed fear, worry, frustration and confusion you will have such a better chance of success.
Are you ready to close the gap? Are you ready to have the talk with your spouse about what to do with the kids when it comes to church actives or church teachings? Do you need help figuring out how to close the gap? You need a coach. I offer a few free calls each month. Sign up for yours and lets find out what is going on in your mixed faith marriage and learn if coaching is right for you.
Brooke Booth, JD
Certified Life Coach