There is a problem that many people have that causes them to be miserable, especially in their marriage.
They think they are right and their spouse is wrong.
This is usually the single biggest issues in a mixed faith marriage.
It is so challenging because both truly believe they are right, and are therefore justified in their conviction and in the need to change their spouse’s mind. After all they want their spouse to be right to.
When we get in this way of thinking it may present as not being willing to listen to your spouse and their opinion. If a certain topic is “off limits” or “we just don’t go there” it is often because of this type of thinking. Maybe you haven’t really discussed religion for months (or years). Maybe you don’t discuss church history, temple, or whatever is the sore area.
We usually refuse to listen to the others opinions and viewpoint so we don’t have to feel upset and defensive.
I think it is important to ask:
Why does someone having anther opinion mean that I have to be upset and defensive?
Why is there the need to eliminate other’s opinions so I don’t get upset?
Why is is hard to hear my spouse’s ideas?
Why is it hard to be with someone who doesn’t share my religious beliefs?
Can you allow for your spouse’s opinions and thoughts and ideas?
When this happens I suggest to my clients that just listening and trying to understand is not the same as agreeing. You can listen and disagree. You can disagree and stay with them. You can disagree and love them fully. You can disagree and fully respect them.
When we refuse to listen and fully understand we are saying – I don’t want to know you and I don’t want to know your experience and I don’t want to know what is true for you – only what is true for me. Really knowing someone is the deepest form of intimacy.
They funny thing is that when you understand it is so much easier to love and be with your spouse . When your spouse sees that you are truly interested and truly seeking to understand then you have influence. When you are only trying to change and convince your ability to influence is significantly diminished.
Are you triggered by disagreements? Do you make it mean there is something wrong with your marriage and wrong with your spouse? Do you avoid certain topics because they are too sensitive?
Let’s talk. This is some of the best work to do. Creating a marriage based on similarities is a myth. We are all different and differences are not a problem.. Reach out to me and let’s set up a time to talk about your mind faith marriage. I offer a few free calls each month. We can see together if coaching is a good fit for you.
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