A faith transition can change the balance in a marriage. It can “mess up” roles and expectations and schedules and traditions. It can show us where we are accepting our spouse when they act in a certain way and rejecting them when they act in other ways. It can show us the conditions we place of love and acceptance in our marriage.
You may find yourself having marriage issues – even when we had relatively smooth sailing before the faith transition.
Often the issue is that you are now placing conditions on offering your partner love and acceptance.
-I loved you when you were active – but this inactivity means I can’t love you as much.
-I loved you when you were willing to listen to my questions but not wanting to talk about church means I can’t love you as much.
We want our spouse to change back or change with us so that things can go back to “normal.”
We want to be able to fall back into our old relationship patterns (even if they were not healthy – because they were familiar).
What if you just allowed your spouse to be who they are – no need to change, no need to tweak or alter or modify. What if they were perfect just as they are?
What comes up for you?
How do you want them to approach you? Do you want them to change you? How would you feel if they just loved you exactly as you are right now?
It is magic when you can learn to accept and love someone as they are. Problems evaporate. They don’t need to get me, speak differently, or choose differently. I can love them for them. PERIOD. It gives you so much freedom to love without judgment.
If there is truly something that is not acceptable – them you can address that AND still love them. You can approach problems from a place of love and acceptance of that person.
This may sound cute – but it really changes everything. Try it. See what happens.
If its time to learn how to really practice unconditional love and not just want to practice unconditional love its time we had a talk and see if coaching is a good fit for you. Reach out and schedule a free call. I only offer a few each month.