Two things are commonly agreed to challenge a marriage: mixed faith and remodeling. We are doing both.
Decision making is paramount in both. Making BIG decisions is paramount in both.
I used to HATE making decisions with my husband. I felt like I had to make all the decision and that he wasn’t talking responsibility. I also felt like he had all the power and I had to decide within very limited parameters. It wasn’t fun and many decisions felt like a grind and were avoided. I remember at the beginning of my faith transition I wanted us to make decisions about all the changes I wanted to implement. But using our old pattens of decision making was painful at best.
Many of my clients come to me and tell me that decision making is a real challenge in their relationship. What to do about Sunday attendance is usually a big one. How to deal with telling family members. How to deal with teaching the kids. And on and on.
Decision making tips:
Get clear on what your preferences are. So often we go into a decision making process with our spouse having NO IDEA what we want. We are stumbling around and then its should be no surprise that we struggle with the decision making process. Other times we do not have our back about our preference. We think it is selfish or wrong and again it should be no surprise that the whole process becomes painful.
Identify the emotion driving your choice. This one is KEY. If you decide to keep attending church because you are afraid of what the ward members will say you are making the decision based on fear. Do you like this reason? If you decide to keep attending church because you find value in the community and enjoy those interactions you may be making this decision based on connection. Do you like this reason? When we can see the emotion driving our choice the best decision often becomes clear.
Be willing to understand your spouse. I used to come into decision making process like a boxing match. I was defensive and would have an agenda. Listening to my spouse and his viewpoint was not on my agenda. Convincing him of my viewpoint was often the focus. Showing up willing to understand opens up the door to being understood in return.
Decision making is skill and it CAN be improved . You do not need to keep repeating poor decision making habits. You can change. If decision making painful for you a faith transition can make it 10X worse. Let’s talk and clean up how you make decisions in your mixed faith marriage.
Talk to you soon,
Brooke Booth, JD
Certified Life Coach