This is such a powerful emotion. It arises a lot in my life and mostly about my future.
-Will this mixed faith marriage work?
-Am I doing enough? Too Much? Am I hurting them (kids, husband)
Can we do really make this work?
What if he leaves?
Is it worth it?
These are all fear based thoughts that pose as innocent questions. When you find your mind full of questions take a minute and ANSWER them.
-I am afraid this mixed faith marriage won’t work.
-I am afraid I am not doing enough.
-I am afraid I am doing too much
-I am afraid I am hurting them.
-I am afraid we can’t rally make this work.
-I am afraid he will leave.
-I am afraid it won’t be worth it.
Often when I find myself or my clients find themselves in these thoughts it’s paralyzing. Most often fear causes us to stop thinking clearly. We start reacting out of fear and that behavior is often NOT helpful to our marriage. Fear is often at the root of angry outbursts, sulks, and snark.
For example, when I am afraid my mixed faith marriage won’t work I may start people pleasing my husband. I may do a TON of things for him and them get RESENTFUL when he does not notice or when it doesn’t help the marriage improve. Then I get mean or just cold.
Fear is so powerful because sometimes we don’t even realize we are in it. We don’t realize that it has taken over and that we are at the effect of fear. Especially when we are people pleasing (it often looks kind of nice – at least at first).
I teach my clients to be ok with fear. Of course you are afraid, your marriage is super important to you and this is a big change. Fear is going to be part of this.
But it doesn’t have to lead the way and it doesn’t have to impact how you choose to show up. You can be afraid and still act kind. You can be afraid and still be present.
If fear is in the driver’s seat of your mixed faith marriage let’s talk. Fear is not going anywhere, but it doesn’t need to be in charge.
Are you ready for some one on one coaching to really get this figured out? Are you tired of fear making all the decisions in your marriage Reach out and let’s talk and see if coaching is a good fit for you.
Talk to you soon,
Brooke Booth, JD
Certified Life Coach