I was raised being taught that it is better to marry someone in your religion. It is better to go to church together. It is better to be on the same page regarding religion.
We didn’t even date non members in my family of origin. So when I was going through my faith transition it was a sticky point to not go to church together. Did this mean we were failing a couple? As a family? Were we causing damage? In any event I was sure – This MUST be a problem.
My clients have also expressed the belief that the family should go to church together.
Together we look at this belief. Is it true? Is it helping your family be stronger and more loving? For some families it is. It does help create connection and support. For other families it does not. In fact it creates frustration and disconnection. There is no one size fits all when it comes to marriage and especially mixed faith marraiges.
Let me offer an analogy. Like me you may have been offered the idea that the recipe for a healthy marriage is to go to church together. This is a great recipe for some to follow exactly. Others need less cinnamon or more salt to make it work for their family. Others need to use a totally different recipe all together.
How to stay together if you don’t’ go to church together –
1. Allow your family to make the best decision for your family.
It doesn’t have to look the same as your neighbors. Make sure it works for your family
2. You can’t force anyone to go or not go to . So stop trying. Respect and love is allowing others to make their own decisions.
3. Be honest with yourself and have your back about what works for you.
If you really don’t like attending , or you really do, that is your valid option. So many problems arise when we people please (attend or don’t attend based on our spouse’s preference and not our own and then get resentful for all we do in this relationship!) People pleasing will cause more damage than honestly any day of the week. Be honest and have you back .
Are you questioning your ability to stay together if you don’t go to church together. I want to tell you you can. You may need help figuring exactly how to do it, but you can do it. I can help. Let’s talk.
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