Do you keep on having the same painful conversations over and over about tithing or church history or cultural norms versus church doctrine?
Are you kind of ready for your spouse to just change their mind and get on board with what is really true?
That was me about a 1000 times in my mixed faith marriage.
I was sick of having these types of conversations- they were painful.
I was afraid it we didn’t have them I would be sticking my head in the ground or problems would fester.
I would walk away wondering:
Why couldn’t my spouse just validate me?
Why couldn’t he understand me?
Why didn’t he get me?
Why wouldn’t he support me?
What I was really asking was – why can’t my spouse just change and think like me and feel like me?
The real problem is not seeing things differently it is wanting to change your spouse. Wanting them to be someone different than who they are. Thinking you will be able to love them more if they changed. Believing that you would feel more validated and supported if they changed.
Let’s go back to the painful conversations around garments or coffee. The only reason they are painful is because you think your spouse is wrong and needs to change.
If you have no problem with who they are right now. Those conversations would not be nearly as uncomfortable.
What if you can view your spouse’s choices and beliefs around religion as just another part of who your spouse is and not a part of your spouse that needs to change?
You believe in Joseph Smith would mean the same as
You have a pant size of 32 32.
You choose to pay 10% of your income to the church would mean the same as working at General Motors versus Ford
I see this with my clients (and me). They want their spouse to change so they can think they have a great marriage or think their spouse is great. What if your spouse and marriage were already great? There is part of you that can find so much evidence they are great.
Stop focusing on where you want them to change and start focusing on where they are already amazing. Because they are – you married them for some reason.
This is your work. It will change your marriage. I promise.
If you want to go even deeper – and you do because a great marriage is so fun. Reach out and let’s set up a call to find out more about your mixed faith marriage. I will walk you though a process where we look closer at your marriage and we can see if coaching is what you need to make your mixed faith marriage amazing.
