My ancestors are pioneers. We are talking about covered wagons traveling from Far West to Salt Lake City. My extended family are all members. We are taking the kind of family where books about our genealogy are regularly discussed and handed out. Conversation are around callings, temple work, and girls camp dates.
My social community is primarily LDS. My friends are primarily LDS. Basically my whole life is saturated in everything LDS.
When a faith transition comes along (yours or your spouse’s), it is scary for a lot of reasons, but one fear can be – what others will think! Your family, your community, your long gone ancestors? What will they think of your family that is no longer “perfect”? What will change? Can you handle it? What will happen to your standing in the church? in your community? in your family?
I don’t know what will happen. You don’t know what will happen. It’s a mystery. But I do know that letting FEAR make decisions and guide your life has serious drawbacks.
When we make decisions out of fear we disallow other’s kindness, goodness and generosity. When in fear, we assume others will be unkind or lack understanding.
When we make decisions out of fear we are assuming the worst of ourselves and of others. And then that is what we often find because that is what we are looking for. Our brain (cognitive bias) will prove it true.
When we make decisions out of fear we often discount what we want or what our desires are and try to make others comfortable at our own expense. (This usually leads to resentment).
When we make decisions out of fear we are not fully honest with ourselves and with others and this can undermine our relationships.
Here are three indicators that fear is in the drivers seat of your mixed faith marriage or in your interactions with your extended family.
You don’t want others to know about your faith transition or your spouse’s faith transition.
You are sure that whatever happens it will not be good or easy or helpful. You wish things could just go back to how they were.
You are more concerned about not upsetting others, a way of life, or an expectation then about being honest and in integrity with yourself and with others( people pleasing is a form of lying).