In my own home and with my clients) a sort of tug of war to win the hearts and minds of the kids. To try to convince the kids that my side (I am taking faith here) is right and the other is wrong. It kind of has the feel of trying to court votes.
So what to do so you don’t end up with the kids in between a debating or boxing match?
My mom (mother of 9 kids) would often tell me (when I came to her complaining of a wrong done by one of my sibling to me) “ It takes two to make a fight”. This is good advice here.
It takes two to play tug of war. It takes two to debate.
Here are a two things that have helped me to put down the boxing gloves about the kids
ONE: The kids get to make their own decisions. We cannot make their decisions. I can suggest, advise. threaten, berate, but they get to decide what to believe. I don’t care what age they are, this is their choice. Yes, I realize younger kids tend to just believe what we tell them, but developmentally that has a time frame that expires. Ultimately at the end of the day it is only their choice.
TWO: This is not about the kids. The kids sometimes become a symbol of what is going on internally with the parents. We as parents want another to validate our own decision (to stay or leave) and when we see the kids choose our choice we feel validated in our own decision. I have learned to let the kids be who they are and I need to learn how to have my own back regarding my own decisions.
Are you in a silent but real tug of war in your LDS mixed faith marriage? Not really sure how it started and even less sure how to end it. I can help. I am a coach you specializes in LDS mixed faith marriages. There are solutions. There are tools. You do not need struggle.
Reach out to me and schedule on of my free calls. (I only offer a few each month). This is a GREAT opportunity to really dive deep into your mixed faith marriage with me.
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Talk to you soon,
Brooke Booth, JD
Certified Life Coach