I have seen with my clients that parenting becomesa parenting vacuum when they think there is no common ground.They effectively stop making decisions and no teaching happens.
They are just coasting or ignoring the differences.Maybe they are parenting behind the other parent’s back because they are not talking to each other (because it is fraught).
Parenting issues are symptoms of a deeper communication issue.
Often when communication improves, parenting also improves as you are now working as a team instead of at odds.
So let’s shift focus to communication.
I see communication issues on two levels: inner and outer.
The outer communication issues can be addressed with listening and communicating techniques. You learn the skills, you practice the skills and you get better.
The inner work is just as vital but often completely overlooked.
The inner work is largely (1) deciding how you want to show up in parenting conversations. (2) Deciding how you want to feel when you are making a parenting decision with your spouse who does not see eye to eye with you. (3) Deciding what you believe about your souse and your differences.
If you have the perfect communication technique but are frustrated – your communication will not improve. If you have the perfect “I statements” and validation statementsbut are annoyed -your communication will not improve. You need the inner and outer together to make this work. I teach both to my clients.
If you are struggling with your parenting you may need to work on communication. Coaching is a great tool to address both inner and outer communication skills plus there are tons of coaching approaches that can help with parenting too.
If you are needing help with parenting and communication I have a group program starting in September that addresses these issues. I teach you how to do both the inner and outer work in communication plus you can get live coaching on your exact parenting issues.
To get more parenting help you may find these podcast episodes helpful:
