Are you looking in the rearview mirror?


-By Daniel

Are you looking in the rearview mirror?


What is your emotional perspective?

We see many examples of how visual perspective can play tricks on us.  In this image we know that the small girl in the picture is just farther away and the angle of the view is what is enabling her to look like she is standing in the palm of a giant, yet for a moment our eyes and mind play a trick on us.  Emotionally our mind and thoughts are susceptible to the same types of perspective tricks that our mind and eyes are.  This can be helpful or harmful depending on how we use the knowledge of perspective.


Sometimes we look at our life and because of our perspective we believe that life has not meet our expectations and we consider it a bad thing.  An example of this can occur in your marriage relationship as each member of the couple changes and starts to have a different belief or faith.  You may have expected that you and your spouse would always attend church together, or you may have hoped that as you choose to stop believing your spouse would listen and unequivocally accept your transformation.  If reality does not match your expectations (which it rarely does) you may choose to see your new reality (circumstance) as a more difficult path or a negative circumstance.


If you want to change your perspective you must first realize you can only control your own self and your own thoughts.  You cannot control others or a majority of your circumstance, therefore reality does not match your expectations. Second, you must realize that focusing on the past will not help you in the future.  When you look in the “rear view mirror” of your life and complain about what happened or what should have happened, you are training your mind to focus on the negative and hopeless situations.  This is a harmful perspective.  It is harmful and hopeless because you cannot change the past.  You can only change the future.  This is where changing your perspective can actually be helpful.  Look out the front window and focus on where you want to go.

You can now choose to see your new reality (circumstance) as a more difficult path or you can see it as an opportunity.  It can be an opportunity to be assured that the choices you are making are the ones that you want to make.  That you would make these choices even if you did not “have” to.  Your choices will determine the path that you will walk.  This can be a defining moment as your clarity and awareness of the path increases and you become more conscious of the actions that you take.


One of my favorite poems Princes and Kings by R. Lee Sharpe reminds us that life and our circumstances are neutral, what matters is our choices and how we use the hand we are dealt.

“Isn’t it strange how princes and kings,
and clowns that caper in sawdust rings,
and common people, like you and me,
are builders for eternity?

Each is given a list of rules;
a shapeless mass; a bag of tools.
And each must fashion, ere life is flown,
A stumbling block, or a stepping-stone.”

The same circumstance can be both a stumbling block and a stepping-stone, it depends on your thoughts.  If you take the perspective that this circumstance can help you, then your thoughts will look for ways to make it advantageous to your intentions.  Your thoughts will lead to actions and a path that will make your situation a stepping stone in your life.  The reverse can also be true if you focus on your situation as a negative item and look for the negative effects then it will become a stumbling block along your life’s path.  Remember that your thoughts drive your emotions, your emotions drive your actions and are actions produce the results of your life.

Do you want to go deeper and learn even more?

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  • Identify the REAL issues in your marriage
  • Discuss real solutions to directly address you specific problems
  • Feel empowered that you can really have a THRIVING Marriage no matter the situation

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Lots of Love,

Brooke and Daniel Booth

Life Coaches

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