Have all your friends basically come from church? So what does that mean for your friendship when you have a faith transition?
Everyone needs connection. It is how we are hard wired as human beings. We crave connection with others. A faith transition can sometimes leave us feeling isolated and alone.
Our whole life our friends were provided to us at church. Think about it, our friends in large part come from: Primary, YW/YM, BYU, Missions. Then as adults we have our visiting and now ministering brothers/sisters and the men/woman we serve with in callings. Without the church structure in place, who are our friends? And they real friends anyway? Or just circumstantial friends?
How does one make friends when we are not not serving in a calling together?
How does one interact with our church friends when we are no longer believing in the church?
A relationship is fundamentally what you think about the other person. Your relationship is really just the story you tell about it. Believe it or not, its pretty one sided, your side. (You know this is true because there have been times when you are furious and the other person has no clue).
I like to ask myself – How do I want to show up? What kind of person/friend do I want to be?
The answer for me is – I want to be warm, friendly, comfortable and welcoming.
Let me give an example.
I am at a football game to watch my daughter cheer. I see a couple of families from the ward.
I could think:
“Oh crap, I really don’t want to see them, they probably think I am a sinner.”
Then this causes me to feel awkward and so I act awkward and the result is, you guessed it, awkward.
Or I could think:
“I love seeing my friends and catching up with their lives. “
Then I feel interested and friendly. I act like a friend and chat. The result is I have a nice friendly conversation.
Give it a try. You will be surprised how much our brains would prefer the drama and awkwardness. Drama and awkwardness are completely optional, you could just enjoy love and connection.
It is time to get some help? Email me and we can set up a time to talk about all things involved in a faith transition. This call is free and will take about an hour.
Talk to you soon,