We often try to control others’ thoughts and emotions.
This is why we smile and act kindly towards people when we meet them, even when we are in a bad mood. We want them to think we are a nice person.
We think our actions can control how another thinks and feels.
In a faith transition is may look like:
“I don’t want to tell my husband about my faith transition because he will be upset.”
“I don’t want to stop going to church? What will the bishop think? What if I am put on the reactivate list? What if they talk about me in ward council?”
REMEMBER, We CANNOT control another’s thoughts and emotions. Every person gets to choose how they think about what we do or do not do, say or do not say. We really have no control over what others think and feel.
Here is an example:
You have made your kids favorite breakfast so they eat a good meal (trying to control their desire to eat) and they throw a fit on how the pancake is too dark. (Even if it is not).
Other people always get to choose what they think, feel and do. Always.
So what do we do when we suspect our choices and actions will make waves?
Here is what I do:
I tell myself this is my decision to make. I get to decide what I will think and feel about my decision. I also get to decide what I will think and feel about everyone’s reactions. I do not get to control how they think, feel or react to my decision. That is 100% their choice.
This is GOOD NEWS. When you bend over backwards to make someone feel a certain way and you have no control over your success, you will find yourself in the land of frustration and resentment. You don’t have to do that anymore. When you are truly able to stop trying to control another’s emotional reactions you will be able to eliminate resentment.
Email me if you want to hop on a free call and see how coaching can help you. The call will take about an hour and we can discuss your exact situation and see how you are trying to control others and end up feeling resentment instead.
Talk to you soon,