The average person has 60,000 thoughts go through their head each day. Many of those thoughts are repeats from yesterday. Once you learn how powerful your thoughts are in creating your life you may not want to repeat many of those thoughts and you may want to add some new thoughts that create some new results. Thought awareness becomes a game changing skill.
The most important and most obvious step is to pay attention to your thoughts. You may be surprised just how infrequently you actually do this! As you are paying attention, ask yourself:
How does that thought make me feel?
Do I like that thought?
Will that thought help me reach my goals?
One of the most effective thought discerning tools is to plug the thought into the STEAR model and see what kind of results are generated. This can be particularly helpful for tricky thoughts that sound ‘nice’ but may be adding to your suffering. Here is an example:
Thought: Spouses should support each other.
Action: Stop sharing thoughts and feelings with spouse.
As you can see, the thought, “Spouses should support each other” sounds very nice, even noble. However, it make the person who wrote this model sad and ultimately leads to disconnection. Do you really want to keep thinking this thought? There are sooooo many other thoughts to choose from.
Free writing is another great tool to use in becoming aware of your thoughts. It can be helpful to choose a topic and write down all your thoughts on that topic without any filter or editing. Be honest with yourself. You may find that you self-edit as you write. Try not to. After about five or ten minutes you have a whole bunch of thoughts that you can now insert into STEAR models and really decide if they are worth repeating tomorrow. This is a great tool to use to ‘clean up’ any negative emotion about a particular subject.
Do you want to go deeper and learn even more? Sign up below for a FREE 60 minute phone consultation to discuss your personal situation with a coach. In this session we will:
- Identify the REAL issues in your marriage
- Discuss real solutions to directly address you specific problems
- Feel empowered that you can really have a THRIVING Marriage no matter the situation
Lots of Love,
Brooke and Daniel Booth