You made it! You can access the course here. You can download it here and it will also arrive in your email shortly!
Strengthening Your Mixed Faith Marriage
Its time for a completely new approach.
In this course you are going to start on the MOST IMPORTANT part. DO NOT underestimate these tools. I have tons of tools I teach my clients, but these two are my favorite, because they are so simple and easy to implement.
If you really do this mini course, it will change your mixed faith marriage. I know, because it changed mine.
For each relationship you have in your life you have a corresponding manual. A manual is an unspoken set of instructions you have for a relationship, it is basically your set of ‘should’ and ‘should nots’ for your spouse.
When your spouse does not follow your manual (which happens frequently), you get upset, frustrated, annoyed, and resentful.
Manuals cause suffering in a mixed faith marriage.
Here are some manual examples in a mixed faith marriage:
-A spouse should always stay faithful to the church.
-Couples should attend church together.
-A mixed faith marriage is not ideal.
-If you loved me you would support my decision (to stay or to leave).
-We should be on the same page.
These thoughts HURT.
They hurts because your reality is different than your expectations.
When you want your spouse to follow your manual you wish they would be different than who they are. You are not accepting them as they are today. You are not offering them what you probably want the most in your relationship – love and acceptance.
Are you willing to abandon your manual and love and accept your spouse for who they actually are today and as opposed to who you wish they would be? Or who you think they should be?
Recognizing and abandoning manuals can have some of the most profound impacts on healing strained relationships and strengthening healthy relationships.
Take some time and write out your manual for your spouse. Write out all the things they should or should not do. All the things they should or should not say. Put it ALL on paper. Be honest. Do NOT filter yourself.
NOTE- You may be tempted to skip this exercise. I get it, it can be uncomfortable to see where you are judging your spouse. Its ok to be a little uncomfortable.
My Manual for my spouse:
How do you act towards your spouse when they do not follow your manual? (The purpose of this exercise is not to beat yourself up but to see what your manual is creating in your relationship.)
Do you like how you act? Why or Why not?
What are some things you can drop from your manual for your spouse?
What You Can Control?
However much you try, you literally cannot control what others do or say or think. You cannot control their choices and beliefs. You cannot control if your spouse chooses to believe or not believe in the church.
You desperately want to control your spouse’s beliefs. You want to control what they say and what they do. You want to control them because you think this will help you feel better.
This is setting yourself up for failure. Remember – you cannot control another person.
The solution here is to focus on what you can control. You CAN control what you think about your spouse’s beliefs, choices and words. You CAN control the stories you tell yourself about their beliefs, choices and words.
What story are you telling about your mixed faith marriage?
Write it out here:
Is it scary? This is why you are feeling scared.
Is is sad? That is why you are feeling sad.
Are you the victim? That is why you are feeling disempowered.
How to do you feel when you read your story?
I feel ______________________________________.
Is this a feeling you want to feel? If not, why are you choosing to tell that story?
You have other choices.
Is there another possible way to tell this story?
Rewrite the story about your mixed faith marriage where you are the hero and not the victim:
Now, tell yourself this story and drop the first one.
CONGRATS! You finished the mini course! These two tools that can be used over and over.
They are simple, but if used regularly they can be the foundation of a radical transformation in your marriage.
If you are ready to learn more and get even more support let’s talk. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and ask for a free call. There is no obligation. On the call we will go through a process about your marriage and begin to create a whole new way of interacting in your mixed faith marriage.
Wishing you the best!
Brooke Booth JD
Certified Life Coach