How are You Hurting Your Own Feelings?

You have probably been told that you have hurt someones feelings.

You have probably told someone they have hurt your feelings.

You have probably felt this in your marriage. Your spouse has said something and it HURT. 

This happened to me the day before yesterday. It was painful. He was clearly being a jerk. 

But I was wrong. I was hurting my own feelings. 

I know you don’t buy this, but keep following me here. 

We function under a “think – feel – act” cycle. You may or may not be aware of it, but it is happening. 

Here is an example:

Husband says “this chicken is dry.”

You think thoughts, usually several, such as:

“He is right I am a terrible cook.”

“He never appreciates anything I do.” 

“What a jerk.”

“Yes, this is definitely not a recipe to repeat.” 

Each thought generates a feeling. 

Thought: He is right I am a terrible cook.

Feeling: Discouraged

Thought: He never appreciates anything I do.

Feeling: Frustrated 

Thought: What a jerk.

Feeling; Angry

Thought: Yes, this is definitely not a recipe to repeat.

Feeling: Acceptance

Notice hubby’s words do not cause the feeling. It is your thoughts about hubby’s words that cause the emotions. Otherwise his words would cause the exact same emotion no matter what. 

This is true for everything he says or does. Everything. Your thoughts about it cause your emotions. 

This is true for what he says or does around religion or with a faith transition, whether it is yours or his. His action or words do not cause your feelings. Your thoughts about his words and actions do. 

Do you like what you are currently feeling? Do you like how you are currently acting? 

What you think about your partner matters. If you really want to change things in your relationship, it has to start on the inside.  It has to start with your thoughts about the relationship and your partner. 

Ready to dive in and do the work to make your relationship better? Ready to transform your relationship? Ready for some BIG changes? 

Email me and we can set up a call and see how life coaching can help you. Life coaching is all about BIG changes, one small step at a time. – ask for a Free call to discuss coaching!

Love, Brooke

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