We all have manuals for others. Basically we all have an instruction manual for how others should behave. We think our manuals are logical and obvious and RIGHT. When others fail to follow our manual we get frustrated, upset, and resentful. Think of any sentence that beings with You should …. or You are supposed to …. (that will probably be part of your manual).
Here are some of my personal favorites (meaning they caused me a lot of suffering until I was able to let them go):
-Husbands should come home in time to eat dinner with the family.
-Kids should put their dirty dishes in the dishwasher and dirty clothes in the laundry.
-People should hang up towels after use.
A faith transition can be a very serious manual violation in and of itself or cause serious manual violations.
-You are supposed to always be a faithful member of the church.
-You should keep your covenants.
-You are supposed to love me even if I don’t believe everything you believe.
-You should support me in my faith crisis.
However, often our manuals prevent us from really showing up as a loving partner in our relationship. We are so busy trying to get the other person to change we forget to practice loving then exactly as they are. How do you feel when your partner is trying to change you?
Letting go of the manuals I have for other people has been one of the most transformational things I have ever done.
Email me or fill out the form below if you want to hop on a free call and see how coaching can help you and your marriage. The call will take about an hour and we go through a powerful process about your mixed faith marriage..
Talk to you soon,