A faith transition can bring up the idea that all those years in that belief system were a complete waste. Including all the decisions based on that belief system were a waste.
Those thoughts usually feel awful and create anger, remorse and regret. Anger remorse and regret do not create a powerful position to be in when trying to build a strong relationship and partnership with your spouse.
When I experienced my faith transition I immediately reflected on all those years, all that money and all those decisions that now I did not support. It was quite a blow. I was left with a choice.
I could believe it was a waste.
That thoughts left me feeling pretty terrible.
It meant I was victim. A victim to what I was taught, to my own past decisions. Being a victim is a very disempowered position.
I decided to think the thought: Nothing is ever wasted.
This thought changed everything for me. It let me be gentle with my past self and her decisions. It let me see those decades of my life as simply part of my life instead on something wrong with my life.
I am who I am because of my experiences. I have gained knowledge and perspective, empathy, and understating because of what I believe and no do not believe . That is all part of who I am.
I realized that rejecting part of my past is akin to rejecting part of me. It is not necessary and does not help the healing process.
Noting is wasted means I am ok as I am.
It is true that things may not have been perfect or ideal but that does mean you did not learn lessons and have a rich life – that nothing was wasted.