How to deal with Sunday activities
A mixed faith marriage can open up a whole new set of questions around Sunday activities. Church is one issue. What about running errands, sleeping in, attending sports, kids playing with other kids, riding bikes, swimming, and hiking?
When I decided to stop attending church, I started to shift my Sunday activities. It looked like this:
Me: Lets ride bikes, go hiking, fill up car with gas and run errands.
Spouse: Let’s NOT.
I saw his response as being sanctimonious and silly.
At the exact same time I could see his point of view. He was afraid about negative influences on the children, eternity, blessings, and so much more.
I had to ask better questions. Questions like:
What is the real goal of this relationship? to fight over bike rides? What do I want ?
I want connection, love, and compassion.
Remember you can think whatever you want about hiking, biking and gas purchases. And so can they. No one is right or wrong. All thoughts are valid.
It is more powerful to ask:
What is the result you really want?
What will help you get that?
Thinking that he is such a self righteous silly person (even if you have lots of evidence ) is probably not going to lead to connection and compassion.
At this point you may also ask:
What else could I make this mean?
You may consider :
This matters to him, and not to me so I will not ask him to participate, but can still have fun myself.
I can honor his decision and I can honor my decision.
These thoughts will lead to more connections and compassion.
These thoughts can also be true.
Do you want to help asking better questions ? Coaching can really help with this.
Email me and we can set up a free call to discus your marriage and how coaching can turn things around for you (just like they did for me and others).