I have noticed that sometimes I REALLY want my husband to see things the way I do. I want him to understand me, to understand the issues that I care about. Women, equality, injustice, when we need to buy floss again, keeping the yard edged. These things matter to me and why can’t they matter to him too!
For a very long time I used to think that a really good marriage is founded on two people with similar views, ideas and beliefs. I believe this was instilled in me when I heard talks and lessons and firesides about how you should date and marry mormons because it will be easier. The implied meaning was you should marry someone who thinks like you as it makes for a better marriage.
This is NOT true. Really its not.
When I first started my faith transition I wanted my husband to understand what I was going through. But that is impossible. He can’t. Its not his life or his experience. I can tell him about it, but that does not mean he gets it or will be on board. Its like when I was pregnant, he didn’t have a clue about most of the things going on in my body. He didn’t really care either. That didn’t mean the pregnancy was a failure or our marriage was a failure. It meant he is a separate individual with his own interests, points of view and things he cares about.
I am super interested in women’s issues, history and leadership worship. My husband could care less. He just isn’t interested in those issues.
That means we are two separate people. It does not mean our relationship is destined for failure. This is a hard one to get. I know I have been taught the opposite in many ways.
So what does it take to have a great marriage? I know one think it doesn’t take and that is SAMENESS.