Do you fixate on problems?
Here is one that I got fixated on, “Sundays are hard for our marriage.”
When I consistently thought this I would start to look for evidence Saturday night and Sunday morning that proved this thoughts right. I overlooked all the great things that happened Saturday night and Sunday morning, I was only able to see that things that did not go smoothly or did not feel great.
When we fixate on what is not working our minds go to work to find evidence of more things that are not working.
When we focus on what is working our minds go to work to find evidence of more things that are working.
Our brains are evidence seeking machines.
Let me tell you …
When you fixate on problems you feel terrible
When you fixate on what is working you feel great.
ALL marriages have things that do and do not work. This is standard for when 2 humans live together. But how you choose to feel is 100% in your control.
Many people use a faith transition as an excuse to focus on what is not working – I sure did!
I became a relationship hypochondriac.
Just because you have a headache does not mean you are going to die in the next 3 months. It is just part of being human.
Same with relationships, sometimes we get relationship aches and it does not mean the relationship is terminal.
When you have a headache your lungs, liver, diaphragm and tastebuds work fine.
So take a deep breath and recognize that most is probably working in your relationship.
Make a list everyday of what is working.
Make a list everyday of what you like about your spouse.
You will feel better and when you feel better you will show up better in your relationship and then guess what – you will have a better relationship.
There is medicine for headaches and medicine for marriage aches. Coaching may be the right medicine for you.