Sometimes when a spouse steps away from the church this can take many forms. There is no one way. Here a just a few options: still attend, just don’t believe in the doctrine or certain tenants stop attending but leave names on records of the church formal resignation (have name removed from records of the church) There is no right way to step away from church. For some the choice to resign is best for their mental and emotional health. For others it doesn’t matter at all if their name is still on the records. Everyone is unique. Here we are going to talk about when a spouse decides to resign and some of the common issues that arise. Each couple has its own reactions and issues – here we will discuss some things I have seen come up with myself and my clients around resignation. Resignation can be very sad and challenging for the believing spouse. It seems like their goal of an eternal family is not obtainable. It may feel like the hope that their spouse my come back in now dead. For the spouse seeking resignation there is often a great deal of concern about their spouse’s reaction and extended family’s reaction. They have lost their church community, will they now loose their family community and marriage community as well? There can be concerns about the children and lessons that their mom or dad is not righteous  or as good as their other parent. This is can be set up for a lot of drama and a lot of stress. Here are a few things to practice and consider: Every problem has a solution. This is one of my favorite sayings. When up to our eyeballs in stress and fear we forget this. We think we are the exception. We think this problem does NOT have a solution and that is where we are wrong. I am trained as an attorney and have practices commercial litigation for years. When I was new I would get a case and think – this is a looser, we can’t win. My boss would always say – there is a solution here – and he was right. There was always a solution to the most daunting legal pickle AND there is a solution in your mixed faith marriage. Just like with each case, it may take some work, and getting some help, and getting some advice from a more seasoned attorney,  but there is always a solution – always. Are you willing to believe there is a solution and keep looking for it, or are you going to throw in the towel ? Other people’s experiences and stories are not our own. Unfortunately there are many terrible stories about mixd faith marriages and how they are terrible and full of suffering and unhappy spouses. THIS IS NOT THE CASE FOR ALL MIXED FAITH MARRIAGES. There are many non mixed faith marriages that fit this description as well. There are mixed faith marriages that work beautifully and raise wonderful kids. Can you believe that? Does it feel possible? If you practice believing that you will feel better and you will create a better mixed faith marriage. Fear is a terrible decision maker. Fear is a terrible driver. It speeds and drives on the shoulder and often just ends up in the ditch. LOVE is a much better driver. It never speeds, and always gets you where you want to go. If you are facing resignation or your spouse is considering resignation and you are freaking out. Its probably a good idea to get some coaching. Reach out and let’s talk and see if coaching will help you and your marriage. CLICK HERE TO LEARN ABOUT WORKING WITH ME Talk to you soon, Brooke Booth, JD Certified Life Coach

The worst fear of many parents is that their kids leave the church. It is sometimes the case in a mixed faith marriage that the kids “follow” the transitioning spouse out of the church. Thereby realizing their other parents worst fear.

I have seen (like in my own home) a sort of tug of war to win the hearts and minds of the kids – to convince them that one side is right and the other is wrong. It kind of has the feel of trying to court votes. This sometimes leads to courting and not parenting.

So what to do so you don’t end up in a win – loose situation. A situation where you win if the kids follow you (but your spouse looses) or vice versa.

My mom (mother of 9 kids) would often tell me (when I came to her complaining of a wrong done by one of my sibling to me) “ It takes two to make a fight”. This is good advice here.

It takes two to play tug of war. It takes two to have a win/loose situation. It takes two to debate.

Here are a two  tips to help you  put down the boxing gloves about the kids:

1. The kids get to make their own decisions. You or your spouse are not making their decisions. You can suggest, advise. threaten, berate, but they get to decide what to believe. I don’t care what age they are, this is their choice. Yes, I realize younger kids tend to just believe what you tell them, but developmentally that has a time frame that expires. Ultimately at the end of the day Your kids KNOW there are choices when it comes to faith and belief (their parents are showing them that in real time).

2. This is not about the kids. The kids sometimes become a symbol of what is going on internally with  the parents. We as parents  want another to validate our own decision (to stay or leave) and when we see the kids choose one or the other we feel validated in our own decision. Let the kids be who they are and the parents need to learn how to have their own backs regarding their own decisions.

Are you trying to figure this out? Need a little support? Or a lot? Click here to learn more about working with me: https://brookeboothcoaching.com/work-with-brooke/

Talk to you soon,

Brooke Booth, JD
Certified Life Coach
BrookeBoothCoaching.com
mormoncouples.com@gmail.com

Maybe you have been in a mixed faith marriage for a while, maybe it is brand new territory, in either case I have something to HELP you in a significant way. 

I have been working with one on one and in groups with clients for a while; coaching and helping them with their mixed faith marriages. I love this work. I love seeing clients transform their marriages and relationships for the better. I love seeing people create amazing things in their lives and in their families – amazing things like more love, stronger relationships, successful difficult conversations, connection, and respect. 

I know not everyone is interested or in a position to hire a coach to work through their Mormon mixed faith marriage. 

To be clear I think having a coach is the best way to get results and strengthen your mixed faith marriage. I also get that it just isn’t what works in every situation. 

With that in mind, I want to tell you about my new home study course. A way you can strengthen your mixed faith marriage under the guidance of a program that takes you step by step through the tools that WORK. 

This home study course was designed specifically for Mormons in a mixed faith marriages and it specifically addresses those circumstances unique to a mixed faith marriage. It addresses topics like enteral families, temple, baptism, garments, tithing and on and on. 

This program is the result of the lessons learned from my own mixed faith marriage, that of my many clients, and  also includes powerful coaching tools. I like to think of it a shortcut to the very best and most helpful tools and teaching you need to be successful in your Mormon Mixed faith marriage.   

Here is a sampling of some of the things you will learn:

-How to create connection even when you may not be on the “same page” when it comes to religion. 

-How to communicate about hard things.

-How to process loss and grief about what has passed.

-How to get past anger, fear and betrayal.

-How to forgive and love without conditions.

-How to set boundaries.

-How to respect each other even if you don’t agree with each other. 

-How to build a new relationship that has room for two different belief systems. 

-How to create new rituals ad tradition to super tyro mixed faith marriage.

Go to – https://brookeboothcoaching.com/strengthen-your-mixed-faith-marriage-course/ to get your course today. I will send you a hard copy in the mail, but you all get immediate access upon purchase if you just can’t wait.

Your marriage is worth it. You are worth it.