How Do You Handle Change?

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A faith transition means change. You are questioning everything. This is actually a good thing. Often we get stuck in thought patterns that are not useful. It is helpful to question things.

Our spouse may see this and become concerned. Afraid that maybe you will throw out the baby with the bath water. Maybe you are concerned you will throw out the baby with the bath water?

Here are three things to consider when navigating change:

1. Recognize human development is part of the package. We embrace the idea of child development, but now you are an adult it does not mean you are done growing and changing. Far from it. It can be super helpful to see change as a normal and natural part of just being a human adult on the planet.

This thought helped me a ton. At times, I was questioning my sanity and when I could tell myself it was just me being a human it helped!

2. Take it slow. Sometimes we rush into change and do not think through all the ramifications. There is no need to rush through change ever.

I told my husband I was thinking about not attending church way before I actually stopped. He needed the time to process things. I needed the time. There is NO RUSH.

3. Make sure you like your reasons. When we make decisions that bring change we sometimes do this out of reaction, fear, frustration. I like to make sure I make decisions out of thoughtfulness, love, and self care. It can be helpful to ask what is my reason for making this decision/change? Then if I like it I go for it, if I don’t, I dig a little deeper.

Questions to ask-

Are you acting out of hurt or empowerment

Are you acting out of self care or guilt?

Are you acting out of fear or compassion?

Change is always challenging – even good change. It is just how our brains are wired. So be gentle with yourself. Change will happen. NO MATTER WHAT. You can go gracefully or kicking and screaming. Its up to you.

Email me if you want to hop on a free call and see how coaching can help you navigate change. The call will take about an hour and we can discuss your exact situation.

Talk to you soon,

Brooke Booth
Life Coach
mormoncouples.com
mormoncouples.com@gmail.com

Patriarchy

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Patriarchy

My husband just doesn’t see it.

if he does, he does he doesn’t think it is a problem.

What am I making this mean?

He is a misogynistic.

He supports the oppression of women.

He is stupid.

None of those feel good. In fact they all feel terrible.

When I feel terrible, I usually show up as a rather beastly person to be around. And that completely undermines my goal of love and connection in my relationship.

So I while I do not throw out my feminist agenda, I do not require my husband to join my crusade. He get’s to do and think what he wants and I get to love him just he way he is.

Do you want some coaching? Do you need a little extra support navigating all this? Email me and we can set up a free call to discuss coaching and what’s happening with you and your faith journey.

Talk to you soon,

Brooke Booth
Life Coach
mormoncouples.com
mormoncouples.com@gmail.com

Emotional Adulthood

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I was driving with my 13 year old daughter and she was asking about what it means to be an adult. I told her it means that you create your own structure in life. She commented that is probably why there are so many terrible adults.

It was kind of funny at the time, but also a bit sobering.

I couldn’t help but think about a tool I use in coaching called Emotional Adulthood and Emotional Childhood.

When we are in Emotional Childhood we blame others for how we feel, act, and the results we get in life.

I know I am in emotional childhood when I am whining, complaining or basically having a tantrum about something that “should not have happened.” I feel terrible.

Emotional Adulthood happens when we take full responsibility for every single thing we think, feel and do- no matter what someone else says or does.

This is how you leave victimhood behind.

This is self empowerment at its very best

I often find myself in emotional childhood in my mixed faith marriage.

My husband attends church and I do not.

When I am in emotional childhood, I think it is his responsibility to validate my decision to leave the church by also leaving the church.

When I am in emotional childhood I think think that if he is not happy about my decision than I cannot be happy about my decision.

When I am in emotional adulthood, I allow him to have his reactions and know they are about his thoughts and feelings and not about me.

When I am in emotional adulthood, I know if I am frustrated it is because of what I am choosing to think and not because of something that he did.

Adults get to structure their own lives. We can choose to blame others or we can choose to take responsibility for what is happening in our emotional lives. It is that simple. (Simple but not always easy.)

Are you stuck in emotional childhood or maybe need a little direction in mastering emotional adulthood? Coaching can make all the difference. Email me to set up a free call where we can discuss how coaching tools can help you feel a whole lot better.

Talk to you soon,

Brooke Booth
Life Coach
mormoncouples.com
mormoncouples.com@gmail.com

I Can’t Handle This!

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“I can’t handle this.”

“This is too much.”

These were common thoughts in my mind when I was going thought the thick of my faith transition.

They seemed TRUE.

I had to step back and ask myself, what else could be true  here?

First off, they really were not true.  I was handling it (I maybe could handle it better, but I was handling it).

Second, they were not helping me stay focused.

They were creating entitlement, frustration and fear.

Those three emotions are not very helpful in building my relationship and taking care of me.

I decided that focus and determination were MUCH more helpful.

I decided to think:

“I can handle this.”

“I can figure this out.”

Do you do this with your faith transition?

Do you tell yourself?

“I can’t handle this.”

“I can’t handle their reaction.”

“Its just too much”

Now is the time to step back and ask – What else can be true here?

Are these thoughts helping you? You are going to to handle it one way or the other. You can handle it by freaking out or you can handle it with some calm.

What emotions do you want to be driving the car of your life right now? I am guessing love, compassion and understanding.
Here are some thoughts to try on to generate those emotions:

“I can handle this.”

“I can get extra help if needed.”

“Others have gotten through this and we will too.”