I was driving with my 13 year old daughter and she was asking about what it means to be an adult. I told her it means that you create your own structure in life. She commented that is probably why there are so many terrible adults.
It was kind of funny at the time, but also a bit sobering.
I couldn’t help but think about a tool I use in coaching called Emotional Adulthood and Emotional Childhood.
When we are in Emotional Childhood we blame others for how we feel, act, and the results we get in life.
I know I am in emotional childhood when I am whining, complaining or basically having a tantrum about something that “should not have happened.” I feel terrible.
Emotional Adulthood happens when we take full responsibility for every single thing we think, feel and do- no matter what someone else says or does.
This is how you leave victimhood behind.
This is self empowerment at its very best
I often find myself in emotional childhood in my mixed faith marriage.
My husband attends church and I do not.
When I am in emotional childhood, I think it is his responsibility to validate my decision to leave the church by also leaving the church.
When I am in emotional childhood I think think that if he is not happy about my decision than I cannot be happy about my decision.
When I am in emotional adulthood, I allow him to have his reactions and know they are about his thoughts and feelings and not about me.
When I am in emotional adulthood, I know if I am frustrated it is because of what I am choosing to think and not because of something that he did.
Adults get to structure their own lives. We can choose to blame others or we can choose to take responsibility for what is happening in our emotional lives. It is that simple. (Simple but not always easy.)
Are you stuck in emotional childhood or maybe need a little direction in mastering emotional adulthood? Coaching can make all the difference. Email me to set up a free call where we can discuss how coaching tools can help you feel a whole lot better.
Talk to you soon,